On Getting Antsy


37 weeks 3 days

It finally happened. The weather turned here, and the mornings are crisp and cool. I love this time of year. I love sweaters and scarves and boots and coffees. I love opening our windows and feeling the cleanness of a fall morning. And today we spent the whole day with the windows open. Cora and I shared a chai tea. I wore a scarf I received for my birthday. And it was warm enough by late morning/early afternoon that we could play at the park with our friends minus our jackets. This time of year, for me, is bliss. But this year things are different. I can feel myself starting to get itchy and stir crazy in the last few weeks before the baby’s expected date of arrival. I am antsy. I am bordering on bored. I finished all my projects and I don’t really have the energy to start anything new. And I am stuck somewhere between filling our days with activities to keep us active and busy, but also leaving down time for rest. Because I just need it. And right now it all feels really hard. It is hard to feel idle, but also feel like I am not doing everything I can to care for and entertain the kids I already have. I am also yearning for the physical relief of not having a tiny person all tucked up into my front parts. I am doing my best to celebrate this time by treating myself (to a deluxe pedicure) and the kids to things like fancy indoor play spaces that we never typically visit. But the truth is that this is all being done in an effort to pass time, to get to the point that we are anxiously waiting to get to. And when I really think about it that way, it doesn’t really feel that great. I am ready for a new baby. I am ready for the balancing act, for Bryan to be home with us, for late night infant snuggles and mornings spent snuggling in bed with whoever wants to join. I am ready to leave behind the awkward giant I have become this pregnancy. I am ready to meet this baby, to grow this family, to be a mommy of three.


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