This has been a weird week for our apartment building. Due to some plumbing issues we have been losing access to water, sometimes just the hot water, and we have been subject to weird, unpredictable fire alarms going off even though there isn’t a fire. I woke up Wednesday morning to a cold water only situation. After already having promised Cora she could shower with me. After already planning what my post shower morning was going to be like. And I was so disappointed. I decided to aim my frustrations by ranting on the internet, but before I made it there, I stopped by my Instagram feed. Two mothers were expressing gratefulness for their sick children or the work that was still to be done the night before, after her children had gone to bed. These women were happy to be able to stay home and care for their needy kids, to be of service, to have quiet time to meet their families’ needs. And so I tucked my complaints in my pocket, sprayed myself down with product and went about my day. The internet didn’t need my pathetic complaint about not being able to take a shower or run the dishwasher. I have a home, with two beautiful and healthy children and everything else I could want. Everything else.
Today we met friends at a pumpkin patch. We ran the kids ragged, pushed them past nap time and sat down to eat lunch. After a sufficient amount of time spent setting up, purchasing and fussing, I looked around and every one of us – 6 kids under 4 and 3 adults were peacefully enjoying our lunch. It was one of the best moments of the day. We were laughing and enjoying each other’s company and everyone was there, just being. And it was wonderful and beautiful and everything I could kind of hope for when I went into this whole stay at home, child raising. hanging out with other moms thing. I am so grateful for these moms who are my friends, who loves my kids. I am so grateful for all these kids who love each other and can sit, peacefully, eating lunch together. It was over in an instant, but while it was happening it was so wonderful!
This pregnancy has been a pretty big physical struggle for me. In the past, when people have said things to me like “i bet you are ready to have that baby” I would deny it and say that I really wanted that baby to cook for as long as it needed to. I wanted to practice being grateful for a healthy pregnancy and I didn’t want to cloud it all with impatient emotions. I wanted to relinquish control and find a way to be present, mindful and totally okay with it. This time, this third time, where I am already taking care of two little kids, I am kind of done. I am ready for the baby part. I would rather have a baby right now that have all the physical difficulty that comes with being so large and full. I am lucky and grateful and mindful of how fortunate we are everyday. It is part of my process. But for anyone who can impact this, let’s get things started, ok?