Friday Edition 2.22

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I had thought we left illness and malaise behind when we said good bye to January. How wrong could I be? Henry got sick and then I seemed to catch something and now Cora is on her third, no fuss nap of the day – a record, my friends, of how not good she must feel.  I am so tired of being sick. Of not feeling like my “normal” self. Of getting behind on everything because I need to rest and relax and sleep and take care of myself. And I am so distraught over how little I seem to be able to control it or help my children achieve some level of comfort. I am trying so hard to know that there has to be an end, that this is probably due to Henry’s exposure in going to school. But, today it really sucks.

Anyways, here are five things going on, inspiring me today:

1. I heart this blog in general, but this post really struck me. My dedication to our schedule/routine wavers (right now we basically have none since everyone feels bad), but I want to remember to take time when it is bed time or whatever “time” to be able to be present with what is going on. I do hope I can be one of those parents who as is said in the postget to know your kids when they’re little – and then never stop getting to know them. Always make sure they can tell you anything, without fear of getting put down or being judged.

2. The buzz for this guy is already all over the internet and it looks pretty cool. But do they look kinda dorky?  A blogger compared them to a seguy for your face.

3. The Beyonce documentary. Watched it during nap today. I enjoyed a lot of what she had to say about the experience of motherhood.

4. This baby shower.  I have been searching pinterest for some ideas for a shower I am throwing in July. It got me very excited. 

5. This has been a rough week for many reasons and I am looking forward to a low key weekend. Hopefully there is lots of rest and catching up in my future. And Argo is available On Demand! Looking forward to seeing this movie. 

week 5 / what you’re grateful for

things for which i am grateful:

my beautiful, wonderful babies. my ever loving and supportive husband. and their overall well being and health. having a safe and stable home. not having to live paycheck to paycheck. being able to stay home with my kids during these years. having a truly amazing father. being able to attend family weddings (ali’s and rachel’s) over the years, even though we live so far away. any time i get to spend with friends and family. friends and family. gchat. the internet. my overall well being. the west wing is available on netflix streaming. that i found awesome moms in the city to be friends with and it seems like i might be finding some in our new city, too. emails and text messages. being involved int he wedding planning process. the opportunity to celebrate rachel with a shower this summer (i am planning it now so it is on the forefront of my thoughts). all the conveniences of modern day life – dishwashers and laundry machines. i seriously have no idea how people used to wash and press and cook everything(and i know it wasn’t really all that long ago). our community of friends, near and far.  coffee. chocolate. dvr. everything we have – there really is so much good in our lives right now.

oh hey, it’s me again

I am back after taking a little break.  I am not sure where my mind is at any more. Whenever I sit down to write an email, text or make a phone call, the first words that come out of my mouth are “things have been crazy.” Because they have. I am trying to fill up our days so that the kids and I stay busy and happy and engaged. Then our weekends are also inevitably full of fun, social things to do. Things I always, always say yes to. And then here were are, behind of blog-like things, or photo uploads, or email replies, or giant laundry mountains. Guh.

Anyways, after spending a little bit of time thinking about what I want to write here, I think I am going to go with a more prompt-driven route. I am still figuring out what I want to write about here and my indecision regarding that is what is preventing me from writing. So it is just a self-fulfilling circle of not writing going here. So, this is how I am going to begin:

Lists.

That’s right. I am going to participate in this weekly list thing. I am going to start with week 6, and hopefully work  my way back some way. But, for now, here goes….

week 6 / list the ways in which you can love others…

hugs. kisses. hand holding. back rubbing. listening when others speak. hearing what they are trying to say. asking others how they are doing. tell them when i see good and wonderful and positive things they do. give presents. making food for others. writing notes. send cards. quick emails and text to tell others i am thinking about them. making packages for friends and family. sending cute photos to friends and family. give advice where it is warranted. give space when it is needed. create a space where people can be themselves and feel good about it. accept the differences in others and let go of expectation. shower them with kindness. throw parties in their honor. take them out to dinner or drinks or coffee. simply spend uninterrupted time with others. plan special time to spend together, too. compliments.  apologize. forgive. send loving thoughts and energy to others.

On Henry’s Third Birthday

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Dear Henry,

3 years ago, today, my water broke. It was a Friday. It was the beginning of what would be the longest weekend of my life because we were on our way to meeting you. When you entered our lives three days later (yes, three. one, two, three. you were born on a MONDAY and I labored all the days in between…) it was, in a word, magic.  I never could have predicted what our lives would look like with you in them. And I didn’t really want to. For the first time in my life, instead of being goal oriented and next step driven, I was ready for the ride.

And now, you are starting preschool. These three years have flown by. And I am overwhelmed by how much you have grown, matured and changed.  You are loving, affectionate and sweet. You can be generous and so, so kind. And if I have learned anything about you at all, it is that you are consistently more capable than I think you are. I cannot tell you how amazing it is to watch you meet and rise to potentially difficult and stressful transitions.  You have conquered several challenges before our eyes over the past few months that we thought would be harder. But they weren’t. And it simply serves to remind me that I do not have to worry quite so much. Also, that I need release any expectations that I have of how you will handle or react to things.

I really like this age on you.  You are so communicative.  You like to list things (people you know, who your friends are, what movies you like, etc.) and recount things that happened during the day. You are also definitely growing into your big brother role. You show a lot of concern for Cora when she is upset or wants something. You have made it your job to inform me of her needs, as you interpret them. If Cora is crying you will tell me any number of the following things to explain why: “Cora sad”, “Cora misses Daddy”, “Cora wants milk”. “Cora wants to go to the park”, “Cora wants her shoes on”. It is so sweet and so insightful into how your mind works. And you do not just stop there when Cora is having a rough time.  You will often bring Cora toys, books, food or a blanket to calm her down. In fact, one of your favorite activities is to sit on the couch with her, under a blanket, and watch tv. It doesn’t usually last very long because Cora has little interest in sitting and watching tv for prolonged periods. But, it gets to the very core of me, because one of my favorite things is snuggling on the couch to watch tv. And I love sharing that experience with others as well.

Some of the other things you do that are super adorable these days: when you want to know what I am doing you ask “Mom, what are you doing to me?” even if it has nothing to do with you. You like to walk around the house and look at photos and label everyone who is in them. Sometimes you will day “Mom, that looks like you” and when I say that is because it is me, you laugh, like you are playing some kind of joke. You have starting going “what is that noise?” when there isn’t any noise. And when we ask you what noise you mean you say “it’s an owl. hooo hoooo. see! an owl!”. It kills me. Whenever we ask you what you want to do next you answer “go to Starbucks” 85% of the time. Overall, you are a very content and warm little boy and that makes me so, so happy.

Henry, sometimes I have a hard time keeping up with all the ways in which you are changing and developing. I am consistently amazed and impressed by you. And I continue to feel lucky that you picked us, that you made me a mom and that I get to spend so many of my days with you. In the last three years I have learned volumes about love, relationships and vulnerability. Sometimes life is hard and I am afraid I have spent too much time bracing myself against the future. I have been “preparing” myself because I am afraid you may grow up and not like me, or not call me, or go to college and move very, very far away. I felt like I had to prepare myself for those potential outcomes because I do not want to be one of those moms who has a mental breakdown when her kids leave for college or doesn’t have a life of her own or doesn’t know how to live a separate life from her child. And I do not ever want you to feel responsible for my well being – emotional or otherwise – because it isn’t your job to take care of me. But I am beginning to see that my emotional bracing means I am worrying about things I cannot control. What needs my focus is you right now. I just want you to know that no matter what choices you make, what things you do, what dreams you attempt, or whether you fail or succeed that I love you. Wholeheartedly. And I am going to keep working on it, working on myself and my relationship skills so that I can be the best mom I can be for you. I love you little man. You are such a joy in our lives. We love you!

(I wrote this on January 22 and am just now posting it. Illness!)

Friday Five 2/1 Edition

1. We got hit with a bad bout of the flu and still haven’t fully recovered. It is amazing how being sick for just a few days can make you feel light years behind.

2. Henry is starting Preschool on Monday!  I am really excited for him. He is going to love the time with other kids, toys and outdoor play. While he is there, I am planning to enjoy some extra Cora time.

3. I am really looking forward to packing Henry’s lunch. I have been super inspired by this blog and I am excited to use the random tools I have collected over the years.

4. I have been loving Downton Abbey this season, but what. the. hell. with the last episode? My favorite character!!!! Also, Girls was pretty good this week. And 30 Rock ended!! Waaahhh!!!

5. I am so excited to put this January behind us and move on from illness and everything it entails. I am ready for happy babies again. And sleep.